Who Needs eggdrop :)
OI! Leave that plug alone!
M00
Download WinBot from http://www.winbot.co.uk
Oh my god, they killed WinBot!
Paaaarrrrp
Whoops
I'll be back
Erection Reset By Beer
You know when you've been tango'd
Hmm... *Used to* run in WINE under X....
Make like a banana and split
NaRf!
Respect my authoratah!
Maybe this'll teach you to respect my authoratah!
Step out of the car please sir...
The bot with the maseeeev heeeed!
Error: mojo not found
Revenge is a dish best served cold...
K'Pla!
Off to /mount/ the hard disk drive ;) 
linux? wassat then? :P 
Eeeew, sick! first-grader pee!
I dont have a master, i *am* the master :) 
It wasn't quite supposed to happen that way :( 
D'Oh!
If at first you dont succeed, HIT IT!
gah
Yeah right
argh! quits are sooo lame!
Versions availible with patrick duffy for a leg
Line up your soldiers and it shoots 'em all down :) 
You aint seen *nothing* yet :) 
Excess food
Nooooo more pie!
Sit down and shut up!!!
Be quiet or the bunny gets it...
Now you see it... Now you dont :) 
Does a hell of a lot of ACTION ;) 
Error: Missing quit message code ;) 
Error: Keyboard not present, press F1 to continue...
Now where is that *any* key?...
ReSiStAnCe iS fUtIlE!
We are PishedBorg: 'sistence on floor-tile, wanna be stimulated?
Well shave me like a yak :) 
Now that's just wrong...
bite me
byte me
hh hgh  , dt t?
m 'lt th  hl fll f hk뮧
Trespassers will be persecuted
Trespassers will be electrocuted
Up, up, up the ziggero, liketey spit!
What-What-WHAT?!
gtg
Eeeeeeeerrrrrrrr!
k, wh hgd m ll ttg?
Now i dont believe you wanted to do that, did you?
Uuh you're soooo embarrasing!
makes ELIZA look like a cheap quack :-) 
Join the dark side of the force.... Get a job at mft :) 
BRAiN is your god :) 
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
That is gross!
Lunchy-Munchies, hmmmm?
Let us remember the good times... WinBot would have wanted this death...... waaaaaaaaaaa!
It's the end of the world as we know it
More pulling power than a planet's gravity :) 
Eh oh!
wassup with my OS?!
Hey look i seen-a-scener :-) 
nnnnnyyyyyyyynggggg oh no, out of ammo...
)        -->            Error: Quit message has escaped!        -->         (
Today is a good day to die...
Oh well...
You win some, you loose some
How dare you, i am *not* coded in visual basic :P 
i need to recharge my |\|RG :) 
Hmmm...
U tink U rude, innit!
 (_)_) 
Also with random quit messages.
Come on then if you think you're hard enough
Oi! Outside!
Error 42
I WaNt To RuLe ThE wOrLd!
Error dissolving toast
Killed (*.banana <= *.monkey)
Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
Ex-sperm-inate!
Bill Gates is a... .. .
Its coming right for us!
Wiiiiiiieeeeeee?!!!
It's illogical, captain
It's illegal, captain
Peace, love, empathy...
Dr Kevorkian would kill for a copy of WinBot
What's the use.....
We all gotta go in the end.
Let's all have kinky IPX
Brain the size of a planet and you quit me?
Quit? That's the last thing me so wants!
Quit? How RUUUDE!
I'm too sexy for this server
As seen on crimewatch
Thank god i'm an athiest
Roses are reddish, voilets are blueish, if it wasnt for Jesus, we'd all be jewish
You can't FAIL to be impressed by THAT!
Bollocks! said poo, as he caught his testicles in the vice...
<insert witty quit message here>
Sponsored by microshaft - Who said you had a choice where you're going today?
Microshaft barney plugin loaded! 'A-B-C-D-E-F-G, I see you're into pi-ra-see!'
With the lights out it's less dangerous.
If you're looking for trouble you can find it on the internet motherf***er...
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy it...
I don't suffer from violent behaviour. Every one else does.
Digitalis: Quite impressive...
Digitalis: Looky here! We finished something!
Do schizophrenics pay double fares?
I used to be schizophrenic but we're alright now ;) 
Swimsuit edition also available
Does it make you horny baby?
The force is strong with this version
Running fine since '99
Mommy, why is General Failiure reading my drive C?
Another casualty of clearing... 
If i could give you one tip for life WinBot would be it
Apple, (C)1767, Sir Issac Newton
My screen's gone a fetching shade of blue....
Excess food...
Ming Timeout
Huhuh... he said....
You ain't seen me - right!
I was never here...
Time for botty bye-byes
Don't dare to resist me - I'll beat you.
Here to justify the strong.
Grandma take me home....
Something tells me we're not in Kansas anymore.
That's what they *want* you to think....
Screw the best - Salute the rest!
If it had breasts I'd marry it.
Nuclear-tipped version coming soon.
Also bends girders to 32 degrees... 31 degrees... 30 degrees... .. .
Product of Stealth'N'Drop. Americas favourite suicide booths since 2013.
Off 'fer a DOG
YouvDaAAAAaRe AcuUs Me of DRINKinn innn inn ng?
Dont you dump that core anywhere near me!
Fully compatible with internent exploder ;)
The ultimate breaker of standards ;)
CaPs LoCk ErRoR ;)
I am cornholio!!!
Bend my spoon
0101 1101 1111 0101 1101 0101 1110 HAHAHAhahaha - geddit?!
Get the linux version from ftp://blah.com/cant-be-arsed-to-write/winbot/for_linux.tgz
Damn one-handed surfers...
One tequla, two tequila, three teqila, floor.
http://www.winbot.co.uk
The truth behind win 9x will be revealed... 1st april 2005, 12PM... be there!
You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here!
now transformed english speeching into
blah
zonk...
X3R0, keep the end up :P
It's immoral, captain
Never mind the prime directive, where's the chocolate sauce?
Assimilate me baby!
Alphabetty-Spaghetti!
Unpack Rachel and get out the puncture repair kit!
Have infection, will travel
Ten seconds to armageddon
As used by the horsemen of the apocalypse...
I never wanted to be a bot you know... i wanted to be... .. .
I'm a lumberjack an i'm ok...
Get yer albatross! http://www.winbot.co.uk
Air guitars! Air guitars! Get your Air guitars here...
I'd say.... OI! NO!
WTF?
Also availible in sexy underwear
A good program trying to run on a bug-filled platform
I kinda like it in a coma
If you're still making music without the pain, then you're still making records that sound the same
I soak myself to soothe the sting, in sancturary medicines
Sometimes i only breathe when i'm with you...
When i can... I'll fail...
Euh huh... that sucks!
Moo moo, moo moo moo. Moo!
I saw... I came...
IRC on a shoestring
surfing on a budget
Restarting... when i feel like it
I want you to want me
Leave me in this corner, ive got to get some sleep...
Sick of conversations...
I suffocate when i'm not getting through to you...
Attack! Attack! Attack! Attack ME!!!
You've got my back against the wall...
Yeah!
They'll do anything to stop you getting through...
The world is full of freaks who speak to anyone they meet...
Telephone wont stop ringing, someone's banging on the door...
Lets get together i'll meet you at the bar
You get the drinks, i'll lose control
You get the drinks, i'll make the smoke
Lets not rock, lets roll :)
I cant speak but i still communicate...
You get the girls, I'll bring the boys...
Turn down the lights, send in some noise...
Get out of your head...
This ain't the sixties any more...
I'm in CONTROL!
I've got no motivation, i dont need friends
I only answer to my own mind
I've lost control...
In my sleep, i grind my teeth...
When you go, you take part of me with you
My body is shaking like cables, everything is turning grey
I'll be you dream, i'll be your wish, i'll be your fantasy...
I wanna stand with you on a mountain, i wanna bathe with you in the sea...
I'll be your hope, i'll be your love, be everything that you need...
I think i dreamed you into life :)
Some things you just dont question...
I think ive found my best friend...
I knew i loved you before i met you...
I have been waiting all my life
I think i've found my way home
Drag and drop IRC abuse
Beng Pisd in irc is fum!
What the hell is call-id??? ;)
I never wanna act my age...
Wish someone would tell me what was right...
I'm not like you guys
On Earth as it is in Texas :)
No Messin' :)
I cant remember what was said or what u threw at me
Got money, just tell me what you want me to
Head like a hole, black as your soul
I'd rather die than give you control!
Bow down before the one you serve, youre gonna get what u deserve!
Let's go dancing on the backs of the bruised
When you feel all alone, and the world has turned its back on you
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
When darkness is upon your door
If you jump, i wont let you fall
A loyal friend is hard to find
Let me be the one you call
If you need to crash and burn, you're not alone
If you only knew... how easy.. it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make you real
Then you wouldnt have to say that you love me, cuz i already know
What would you say, if i took those words away?
All you have to do is close your eyes and just reach out your hand
More than words is all i ever needed you to show...
That's because i'm broken minded...
The world is goin' down...
Dont keep it all inside...
Were you ever so bright and sweet, did u ever look so nice...
I aint got time for this game cuz i need you
You dont need a doctor no-one else can hear your soul...
I can hear you singing to me in my sleep
Things are getting strange i'm starting to worry
...ck you i wont do what you tell me!...
Oh no ive said too much; i've said it all...
I thaught i heard you laughing...
The roof.. the roof.. the roof is on fire...
I believe your most attractive feature is your heart and soul
I'm losin'... the grip on what i used to hold...
I believe you dont know what you've got until you say goodbye...
What if we get to the end and all of this means nothing?
I'm in a state of insecurity
Do we have someone to fear but ourselves?
Do i have something to fear but my emotions?
...But that was just a dream...
I'm still alright to smile...
All we need is just a little patience
Cursed you - and your reasons
I suffocate when i'm not getting through to you...
Try to understand... the way i can... i will
What if i take the easy way out?
REPEAT UNTIL FALSE
I just want to... be... me....
What if i fight to the end?
There's a thought, now you decide...
Would you like to make a run for it?
I want to live... careless and freeeeee....
I want to run through the jungle, wind in my hair & the sand at my feet
I beleive in love surviving death into eternity
What you give is what you get returned
Hard drive damaged; (a)bort, (r)etry, (s)cream?
More than words
I want to live!
<acknowlege//submit!>
The most beastly beast of them all ;)
<Randy unit> offline
I want to be your friend... I want to be near you...
Praise <First-Thought>, <Giver-of-Will>!
hurt\\maim\\kill
while (!pissed) drink_beer();
if it never dies then how can it ever be killed?
I would take the stars out of the sky for you
Your wish is my command
I could move a mountain when your hand is in my hand
Words cannot express how much you mean to me
If it takes my heart and soul you know i'd pay the price
Everything that i possess i'd gladly sacrifice
You to me are everything the sweetest song that i can sing...
So now youve got the best of me come on and take the rest of me
Though youre close to me we seem so far apart
Maybe given time you'll have a change of heart
If it takes forever then im prepared to wait
I'll never tell u one lie, i'd never let u down
I'd never leave i'd be the one who'd always be around
Baby give me a chance
I'd pull the sun out frm the sky to light your darkest night
I wouldnt let one drop of rain fall down into your life
Baby believe i could never do u wrong and i could never paint your world blue
I might be crazy but im crazy about you
I'd lie for you and thats the truth
I'd even sell my soul for you, i'd do it all for you
If you'd just beleive in me
Just take a look in my eyes you'll see a love thats blind
Aint a star thats too far
Your every wish will be a wish that i will make come true
If you want the moon i swear i'll bring it down for you
If im crazy, im just crazy about you
I'd do it all for you
I'd walk across the fire for you
I'll show you heaven every second that youre in my arms
Move mountains if you want me to
I tried to discover a little something to make me sweeter
I'm so in love with you
Give a little respect to me
I hear you calling
You know youre making me work so hard
I wish on a star that somewhere you are thinking of me too
Im dreaming of you tonight
Theres nowhere in the world i'd rather be
I wonder if you know im there
If you looked in my eyes would you see whats inside, would you even care?
So far all i have are dreams of you
Is this burning an eternal flame
I beleive its meant to be
I watch you when youre sleeping, you belong with me
Do you feel the same or am i only dreaming
I dont wanna loose this feeling
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand
Am i only dreaming
Close your eyes, give me your hand
Do you understand?
Do you feel the same?
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Cause you make me feel...
You touched my inner smile
You got me in the mood
So come on and make your move
Aint no mountain high, aint no valey low, aint no river wide enough baby
Just call my name i'll be there in a hurry
Cause baby there aint no mountain high enough to keep me from getting to you
I never found the words to say, youre the one i think about each day
A part of me will always be with you
Somewhere in my memory, ive lost all sense of time
<Azhrarn> One bot to rule them all, one bot to bind them... :D
thesis my new voice wreck ignition software. inlets my computer wreck a nice beach...
Dont eat yellow snow
No user serviceable parts inside
the bot is dangerous master, they all sense it why cant you?
IRC: where the men are men, the women are also men and the boys are FBI agents
m00, m00 m0000 m00 mm0 m00 :)
Stronger and harder than a bad girls dream
<Craig> EAT CHEESE AND DIE!! mwahahahaha
da FrostyCoolSlug was 'ere
Bill Gates named Microsoft after his penis
*** Now talking in #real_life
Killed (ChanServ (You've been online too long))
"Bother," said the Borg.  "We've assimilated Pooh."
Crash and Burn but every day I learn
Round every corner is a challege waiting to be over come, which is why I stay in a my circlar bedroom
I'm not an alcoholic.... alcoholics go to meetings!
Carbon Unit Error
Federal Agents!!! OPEN UP!!!... Shit!!! *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete*
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
They say the pen is mightier than the sword. (if you miss a deadline, you'd better bring the sword)
Chaos, panic, pandemonium - my work here is done.
Work is the greatest thing in the world, so save some for tomorrow.
Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.
"85% of the world's work is done by people who don't feel very well" - Winston Churchill
Save time... see it my way.
If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
Everytime I think I've hit the bottom, someone lends me a shovel.
People who do the world's real work don't usually wear neckties.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
The only person getting his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
The best part about procrastination is that you are never bored, because you have all kinds of things that you should be doing.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
Hard work never killed anyone, but why give it a chance?
Illegitmitatum Non Carborundum Est - Never let the bastards grind you down!
If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use being a damn fool.
I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.
Corporate Motto: READY - FIRE - AIM !!!
DEAR IRS, Please cancel my subscription.
Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and recorded every day like those of a baseball player.
I love the "swooshing" sound deadlines make as they go by.
Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon.
Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like a slacker.
Sorry I'm late, I'll leave early to make up for it.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
If you're the low man on the totem pole, just remember that if it wasn't for you the damn thing would fall over.
"That's Bill for ya, always sharpening his sleeping skills..."
Inasmuch as the earth is 2/3 water and 1/3 land, it is clear that our time should be divided. 2/3 fishing and 1/3 work.
A commuter is one who never knows how a movie ends because he has to leave early to catch a train to get him back to the country in time to catch a train to bring him back to the city.
By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task completely overwhelm me. - Ashleigh Brilliant
A morning without coffee is like something without something else.
I love my work, I could sit and watch it all day long.
Work hard for eight hours a day, and eventually you may become a boss and be able to work twelve.
Employment tip #127: Never take a beer to a job interview.
You can name your own salary here - I like to call mine Fred.
Hard work spotlights the character of people; some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all!
First rule of acting: Whatever happens, look as if it were intended.
The problem with the rat race is even if you win you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin
"Remember there's no I in team" ... (but there is a M and an E)
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
The world is full of willing people -- some willing to work and some willing to let them. - Robert Frost.
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
A child of five could understand this! Fetch me a child of five!
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
Quote from the Boss: I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.
REAL procrastination is watching a hungry bear walk up to you while having a picnic, and not running because hey, you've got the rest of your life.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Sorry - yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
Quitters never win, and winners never quit, but those who never quit AND never win are idiots.
I don't mind the rat race but I could do with a little more cheese.
Another month ends. All targets met. All systems working. All customers satisfied. All staff eagerly enthusiastic. All pigs fed and ready to fly.
Usually I try to take it one day at a time, but lately several have attacked me at once...
A company is known by the people it keeps.
After all is said and done, more is said than done.
I have no axe to grind, but I have an ivory letter opener that could use some sharpening.
I may take your call and sound like I am smiling but you have no idea what I am doing on my end... like laughing at your account balance?
Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
There can't be a crisis today, my schedule is already full.
The only problem with mornings is that they happen too early in the day.
Not only do I not know what's going on, but I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
They can't fire me, slaves have to be sold.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off
According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
They say that you are put on earth to accomplish a certain amount of things. Right now I am so far behind... I'll never die...
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
There ought to be a better way to start the day than by getting up in the morning.
Somedays it's just not worth chewing through the restraints...
After the government takes enough to balance the budget, the taxpayer has the job of budgeting the balance.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Note on a door: Out to lunch... if not back by five, out for dinner also.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Two kinds of people: Those who finish what they start and...
I hate my cubicle! Hey! I CAN knock these walls over....
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
The trouble with work is... it's so daily.
"Where the needs of the world and your talents cross, there lies your vocation." - Aristotle
I work at subway, and I'm always supposed to ask the person if they want cheese on their sandwich. The other day I wasn't paying attention and I asked a lady if she wanted bread on her sandwich. She just kinda looked at me funny.
The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) has determined that the maximum safe load capacity on my butt is two persons at a time, unless I install handrails or safety straps. Since you have arrived sixth in line to RIDE MY ASS today, please take a number and WAIT YOUR TURN!
"It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're working with turkies." - Jerry Dey
Those that make the rules don't play the game!
I've got to get back to work. When I stop rowing, the slaveship just goes in circles.
"Due to the constant fluctuation in customer personalities, we cannot be responsible for the mental stability of any one member of our staff." (Seen in a gas station in Toronto, Ontario, Canada)
A wise leader delegates, the inept dictate.
God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right."
sorry no fortune today. Enjoy your cookie.
They may crush your cookie but you always have your fortune.
You are hungry for Fortune East Chinese Food! Call 555-2112 to appease stomach.
Help, I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory!
[for comic effect, add the words, 'in bed' to the end of any fortune cookie, to find out the REAL meaning.]
You will be healthier if you eat more chinese food.
That wasn't chicken...
You love Chinese food.
AAAH! You broke my fortune cookie!
Remember Fluffy?
"Ignore previous cookie"
Next time read the fortune befo... [bitten off]
May the dragon of life only roast your hot-dogs and never burn your buns!
Be yourself. Who else knows how?
Microsoft manager to programmer: You start coding. I'll go find out what they want.
Eunuchs, the non-gender-specific OS.
Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
For evil to triumph it is only necessary for good men to buy Microsoft. (Seen on alt.os.linux.caldera)
The big difference between UNIX and VMS: To do anything on UNIX, you need to know an obscure command. To do anything on VMS, you need to know an obscure option to SET.
Claiming that your operating system is the best in the world because more people use it is like saying McDonalds makes the best food in the world.
Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. 'No' is the answer!
Lunix... because I'm better than you.
'Apple Macintosh' - An anagram of 'Complaints Heap'
Your mouse has moved. Windows NT must be restarted for the change to take effect. Reboot now? [ OK ]
I heard on the news last night that Bill Gates and his wife are expecting a baby in June. I'm betting that baby will be late.
Linux. The choice of a GNU generation.
'MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash, If Not, The Operating System Hangs' - Noam (your friendly Coolsig sysadmin :-)
Unix is user friendly - it's just picky about it's friends.
Windows: Just another pain in the glass.
This is Linux country. If you listen carefully, you can hear Windows reboot...
If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed...oh, wait a minute - he already does.
A Windows user spends 1/3 of his life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting.
Love is Hate. War is Peace. Windows is stable.
VMS is a text-only adventure game. If you win you can use Unix. - W. davidson
Regarding security, WindowsNT is an OS with a 'Kick me' sign stuck on it's back.
Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance.
A computer without a Microsoft operating system is like a dog without bricks tied to its head.
Linux: The smack in the face that Windows gripers have been begging for these past 10 years...
Windows 3.1 - The best $89 solitaire game you can buy.
The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is probably the day they start making vacuum cleaners.
Beat me, whip me, make me use Windows!
W.I.N.D.O.W.S - Will Install Necessary Drivers, Or Won't Start.
Microsoft Windows: computing While U Wait,
Microsoft Windows: Proof that P.T. Barnum was correct.
Name one nice thing about Windows? It doesn't just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first.
Linux renders ships. NT is rendering ships useless...
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I...
The software said Windows95 or better, so I got a Mac...
Failure is not acceptable. It comes bundled with Windows.
The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is probably the day they start making vacuum cleaners.
You're *such* a mac person.
"Unix is simple, but it takes a genius to understand the simplicity." - Dennis Ritchie
M.A.C.I.N.T.O.S.H. - Machine Always Crashes, If Not, The Operating System Hangs.
Linux means productivity and fun. NT means 'Not Today'.
A computer without Microsoft is like a chocolate cake without mustard.
It's a good thing Linux is under GNU (General Public Lisense) or Microsoft would buy them out too! -- Kunphuzil
Show me one Microsoft innovation and I'll eat my Red Hat.
The Windows98 Eveready Bunny: It's still loading, and loading...
The trouble with doing something right the first time, is nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
When the cat's away there are fewer hairs on the armchair.
We have to belive in free will. We have no choice.
Time flies... after you hit the snooze button.
No matter how many years pass teachers will always use the word obviously, without ever knowing what it means.
Love ain't nothin' but sex misspelled. -- short story by Harlan Ellison
You can't tell a book by its movie.
A lost property office is for people to return things they find and don't want.
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstyle you like.
Paper is always strongest at the perforations.
Sacred cows make the best burgers.
Whoever said there is no such thing as a stupid question has never worked in customer service.
Important documents will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
The great thing about living in a small town is when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.
You can tell the quality of a person by how they treat people they don't need.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
No one feels as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
Life is a test, and I didn't take very good notes.
Sometimes the squeaky wheel doesn't get the grease, it just gets replaced.
If you lost your left arm, your right arm would be left.
Well behaved women rarely make history.
If nobody knows the troubles you've seen, then you don't live in a small town.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
The Lawyer's Creed: "A man is innocent until proven broke."
An eternity is very, very long, especially towards the end.
The trouble with life is, you're half way through it before you realize it's a 'do it yourself' thing.
To err is human, to forgive... unlikely.
A fight to the death between zombies has a few inherent problems.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Sad to think that when the letters 'WWF' are mentioned, most of us think of wrestlers, before the World Wildlife Fund...
It's a small world. Then the airline loses your luggage.
People would enjoy life more if, once they got what they wanted, they could remember how much they wanted it.
Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean.
One good turn gets most of the blankets.
Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
Fortune tellers are for the poor. Psychics are for the rich.
The trouble with learning from experience is that the test comes first and the lesson afterwards.
If at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
It's a biiiig mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.
If Lamb Chop married Howdy Doodie her name would be Lamb Doodie - Not too sure
The great thing about living in a small town is when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Everyone is beautiful if you squint a bit.
They say the grass is greener on the other side, but have you ever flipped it over?
Only a pessimist complains about the noise when oppurtunity knocks.
Education is what you get from reading the small print; experience is what you get from not reading it.
People who say 'Don't Postpone Joy' are usually in outrageous credit card debt. - Daniel Casey
Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.
It's easier to curse a candle than light the darkness.
It is better to be on the ground wishing you were flying, than vice versa.
The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is. It's always room-temperature.
Living in fear is the same as fear of living. Either way, you have no life.
Mankind is divided into two classes: those who earn their living by the sweat of their brow, and those who sell them handkerchiefs, cold drinks, and electric fans.
The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
An egotist has one point in his favor - he doesn't go around talking about other people!
Some people aren't happy unless they're unhappy. -- Joe S. Cline
"Ignore reality. There's nothing you can do about it." - Natalie Imbruglia
Do not blame others for making you mad. Anger is a choice. Choose wisely.
I couldn't help but laugh when I saw these words scrawled on the condom machine in a service station Men's Room, "This gum tastes like rubber!"
We can never see ourselves as others see us. Even the mirror shows us in reverse.
Some people are so sensitive they'd feel snubbed if an epidemic overlooked them.
The meaning of life is to give life meaning.
If the eyes are windows to the soul, your smile is the front door.
Success is when your name is in everything but the phone book.
Those who complain about the way the ball bounces, are usually the same ones who dropped it.
Religion cannot be without morality, but morality may arrive without religion.
"Character is taught at home, but not by a purple dinosaur or big yello bird." - Jacob White
Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.
Love is like the measles, we all have to go through it.
Viewer discretion may be advised, but it's never really expected.
Please don't throw your toothpicks in our toilets, our crabs have learned to pole vault.
Time to sleep
Don't worry, this happens all the time!
